When I was five years old I remember seeing a naked female for the first time. Twenty years later I married a different female, Patty, and we have since had two wonderful children, Jackson and then Olivia, both naked. We now clothe them regularly and make sure they eat when they need food. They are my world, especially the first one. Just kidding. But seriously, I play favorites. My wife and I still find time for each other, but usually the kids are involved in that too. We also have Juney, the greatest dog ever. She's pretty much always naked.

As for what I do to keep myself busy, I like to write obviously, though you can now tell I don't do it very well. Yet somehow I get paid to do it. No, not this, I'm paying to do this. Only a few bucks a month but it's totally worth it. Most ego boosts cost much more.

So, anyway, sort of quickly:
When I was 23 and fresh out of college I joined a small advertising company, where my dreams of becoming a copywriter were temporarily thwarted by constant trips to the copy machine and mail room. I perservered and built up a spec portfolio, and eventually found my way to a larger advertising agency, this time as an actual copywriter, where I am very proud to have won three Addy awards for copywriting.

That led to me an even larger agency, AOL Time Warner, where I learned website production. After 9/11 a lot of employees were laid off, and I was no exception. So I was unemployed for a year. But that's when I started to freelance for various websites, doing some online production and writing and whatever else they needed. I also took up smoking and went to Starbucks every afternoon to look for jobs online, play games, and mostly stare at strangers. It was then that I decided to write a screenplay. I spent months crafting it. It was not an easy process, and while it is totally flawed and unmarketable, I am so glad I had the opportunity to do it. It was such a unique, amazing experience, when it was finally finished I thought I'd never be able to write another ever again (in the 'wood they call that foreshadowing! I call Hollywood the 'wood. No one else does.).

That next summer I got a new full-time job at the USTA, writing tennis columns and handling online production for USTA.com. Working the US Open was great, meeting all the players and whatnot, and the job in the off season was a lot of fun too, especially pretending I knew anything about tennis. In my writing samples there's an article where I blindly predicted an unknown named Rafael Nadal to break out. I don't watch tennis and had no idea who he was, but I was being paid to write about something, so I picked his name out of the blue. I'm so smart. Anyway, the greatest thing that happened to me while at USTA was that I had enough down time to finish my screenplay, and I wound up sending it to a small producer on craigslist.com on a total lark. A few weeks later he called me, and that set off a long, event-filled process that includes re-writes, A-list rumors (Matt Dillon is A-list, right? He turned it down, naturally), credit issues, lawsuits, backstabbing -- and it hopefully all ends with a major motion picture in a theater (or DVD player at this point) near you.

Anyway, during the three year post-production period, I've left the USTA.com for a short stint at NBA.com, and now I'm at MedPage Today, a daily medical news website targeted mostly at physicians, where I am the Manager of Multimedia and Production. It's not as glamorous as the USTA or NBA, there isn't as much writing as in the advertising jobs, and there's not as much coffee as at Starbucks, but it's an eight minute drive from our new house in NJ, and I'm able to combine a decent paying day job with my love of creating and editing multimedia. So even if I never sell another screenplay, at least I'm making online videos focusing on recent studies in healthcare for physicians, which was always a secret dream of mine anyway.

Speaking of which, I just finished my latest screenplay (the 'wood might say that's the callback to a foreshadow, though I don't really know what I'm talking about), which once again deals with time as a fourth dimension, and I've started a new one, not involving time at all thankfully. It's a biopic on my grandfather -- a new direction for me. Not as much downtime these days, and I am waiting for Sight Unseen to finally be completed before making my next move, so things are slow. But you can read about all that sometime soon I hope, and if you have any good hints on how to keep a lawn green where your dog has peed, please contact me at once.